Jimbo here with some cool “mind voodoo” tips, (because I’m soooo sick of hearing about coronavirus).

Now, I don’t want to oversimplify the human species (“you see
kids, the food goes in this end and then later comes out on that end”)…

…but let’s have a little fun and break people down into four basic groups based on how they handle confrontation and danger.

These four groups — or “mental maps” — represent extremes. The average person is rarely at one end of the spectrum or the other, (although my brother in law has somehow achieved just that).

People even switch their mental strategy, depending on their state of mind at the time. But in general, this simplification (or should I say over-simplification) will help you recognize your own specific strengths and weaknesses.

Because one of the biggest secrets to winning a dangerous
confrontation is to simply learn how to overcome indecision and
unreasonable hesitation.

The Predator, the Bully, and the Emotionally Hijacked (types of opponents all Man-Skills readers should already be familiar with) depend on hapless victims who do nothing…

…like scaredy cats… frightened bunnies… deer in the headlights… spring lambs on their way to slaughter… uh… okay, I’m running out of frightened animal similes, so hopefully, you get the idea.

• The Reasoner: So very reasonable.
• The Survivor: Knocking down old ladies for toilet paper.
• The Dominator: Everyone’s big brother.
• The Virtuous Protector: Her knight in shining armor.

The Reasoner:

The ‘Nice Guy’ (Who Finishes Last).

We’re going to go through the four mental maps one-by-one.

As I said, nobody is 100% of any one of these traits but it’s important to be honest with yourself (“self, we need to have an honest talk”) so you can clearly recognize yourself and make any constructive “adjustments”.

Anyway… let’s get on with it and talk about The Reasoner.

A person using the “Reasoner Mental Map” tries to negotiate his way out of trouble. His motto is “can’t we all just get along?”.

Let’s dig a little deeper into this particular mental map.

The Reasoner believes that all people are essentially good and rational — meaning that they think it’s possible to resolve any conflict by simply tapping into their opponent’s “better angels”.

He believes that if he’s simply nice to other people, they will be nice to him – because (he believes) nobody really wants conflict.

Yes indeed, he’s a “reasonable” person living in a world of “reasonable” people.

This is the most dangerous of mental maps. Why? Because the outlook truly does not reflect reality, (unless of course, you’re living in Mr. Roger’s neighborhood).

Everyone is NOT your friend. The world really CAN be a dangerous place with people who will rob, rape, and kill you, for little or no reason, then sit down to a hot meal without thinking twice about you, (although I gotta say, I’m so old and out of shape that few people would want to rape me).

Yes, the world is indeed filled with bad and dangerously irrational people, (like a certain brother-in-law).

Think about it this way – just how far would this Reasoner mindset work in, say… prison. You guessed it. This nice reasonable person would quickly have his Jello stolen and soon afterward become the jailhouse “bitch”. (Again, I got that whole sagging belly and unsightly cellulite thing working for me).

Or, let’s say, the Reasoner was hauled in front of a Hitler-type character for some infraction of his rules. (“It was one lousy night. I swear I didn’t know Eva Brown and you were a thing. Hiel Hilter dude.”).

Being the Reasoner can be a good way to avoid trouble against equally reasonable folks — but will NOT work against the tens of thousands of dangerous psychopaths walking today’s streets.

The Reasoner is the most vulnerable of all the mental maps because, when confronted by true evil, he tends to crumble into dismay and panic [steaming poop emoji here], unable to reconcile his naïve “nice guy” beliefs with the reality that someone really wants to hurt or kill him.

The Survivor:

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

The Survivor: This mental map is a total commitment toward “self-preservation”. The motto is “don’t tread on me – but go ahead and tread on him”.

A person running on this particular mental-map software has a more realistic version of the world and understands that everyone is not his friend…

…that some people may just hurt him for the “thrill” of it. (Like the time a certain-someone hid a treasured fuzz-bear from a smart and innocent boy. I’m not mentioning names here, but that was brutal).

Okay… a Survivor mindset has advantages because at least he will do whatever it takes — lie, cheat, and if necessary, fight his way out of confrontation.

So, yes… he’s equipped to deal with a real-world confrontation better than the Reasoner.

But he also tends to be a lone wolf.

He’d tell you he’s responsible for just three people, “me, myself and I”. Which means you should forget about depending on him to do anything other than helping himself.

You’ll be “thrown to the wolves” if it’s to his advantage. (“Wait… he took the car, the money, and all the food? My God, what about Fuzz-Bear?”).

It’s like the joke where a lion is charging toward two hikers. One hiker starts lacing up his running shoes, pointing out to the other hiker that he’s only got to run faster than him, not the lion.

That’s the Survivor. You can forget about working as a team to fight off the lion. (Which would suck for him if you turned out to be the faster runner).

Unfortunately, our modern media and even law enforcement have reinforced this Survivor “stay out of it” mindset.

We’ve all heard it… “don’t get involved”… “call the police”… or “just bend over and let him do whatever he wants”.

I once had a CPR class where the instructor was actively encouraging students “not to get involved” in helping strangers in need as it may result in a lawsuit (most states have since passed certain “Good Samaritan” laws to protect citizens trying to help others).

That instructor was certainly a Survivor alright. Imagine depending on him to save your life. (“Look, I know you’ll die if I don’t help, but I first need you to sign this waiver”).

It’s an attitude that has permeated our culture – and has resulted in able-bodied men standing by and watching while innocent people are attacked.

Of course, there’s a flip-side to this.

It’s not a good idea to get in the middle of bickering fools, thinking you’re gonna break it up or “fix” things. No. That can be a BIG mistake. (“So, he drank the last of the milk and put an empty carton back in the fridge? That’s outrageous!”)

Or the swimmer who was hauled from the water by Good Samaritans who then proceeded to pound on his chest for ten minutes trying to “help him breath”.

Turned out the swimmer was fine – except for the broken sternum and cracked ribs that resulted from the beating.

The Dominator

“You lookin’ at me”?

I’ve talked a little about this character trait in a previous Man-Skills. But let’s cover it again, just so you have a complete picture here of the four mind-maps.

The Dominator is a guy who looks upon himself as the “universal police”. His motto is “don’t disrespect me or my friends”.

He is often a self-absorbed person who is very sensitive to disrespect and will act on any slight — real or imagined.

People fear him for the simple reason that he’ll fight at the drop of a hat, (“who dropped that hat? Damnit, it’s on!”)

The Dominator is not necessarily a bully or a disruptive rowdy (although he can be) — he does understand right from wrong — but he’s ego-driven and will definitely “back up” his friends, rarely allowing thugs and bullies to take advantage of him or loved ones.

On the other hand, the Dominator is somehow always in continual conflict with others – often far too involved in other people’s business — which puts him in a position to be imprisoned, permanently injured, or killed.

Dominators who do not change their ways rarely make it to old age, (which proves I’m not this guy).

The Virtuous Protector:

Riding in on a white horse.

The name “Virtuous Protector” may sound a bit “corny”, (okay, it’s full-blown corny), but stay with me here.

This is (in my humble opinion) the highest form of mental maps. His motto is “speak softly and carry a big stick”.

Many experienced streetfighters, bullies, and dominators (who survive), eventually transform into some form of a Virtuous Protector.

The “school of hard knocks” has taught him the real dangers of fighting, so he deeply understands what’s important to fight for — and especially what’s not.

But you do not need to be a recovering bully… a streetfighter covered in scars… or even a guy who owns a white stallion.

The Reasoner and the Survivor can also have life-altering experiences that push them toward this mind-map.

The Virtuous Protector is not overly concerned about slights or insults and is much more rational in dealing with confrontation, (okay, I’m working on that).

It helps to know some fighting and survival skills because it provides the mental cushion to remain confident and calm, even during a confrontation or a life-threatening situation.

He is willing to back away to avoid problems but is also ready to act when a situation requires action.

In old school terms, he may be described as a “stand up guy” or a “code of the west guy”.

Like a bag of tea (no tea-bagging jokes please, I’m trying to be serious here), he won’t “show his strength until he’s in hot water”.

As humans, it’s in our nature to be emotional and, (unless you’re like one of those awesome “Sophia” robots), your emotions are NOT directly under your control.

But, your actions are.

A Virtuous Protector, (okay, I can’t take it… we gotta change that name guys), WILL act and help others when he’s truly needed.

He focuses on managing his behavior – not managing his emotions.

In conclusion, these four groups are “artificial constructs”, NOT psychological profiles meant to define an entire personality, (although the TSA may just use this for profiling).

Because, as I said, one man may use all four of these mental maps at different times.

The mental map is more useful as a general “gauge” to progress toward a more virtuous person who uses his fighting and survival skills wisely, (instead of just snapping his neck for having more than 10 items in the express checkout lane).

More “Man Skills” to come…

Stay Manly,

Jimbo, Editor
Man Skills

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